January 21, 2013

Karla’s Korner: The Diary of our Lives

I am proud to introduce a new column to Madame Deals! I think we all need a touch point a place we can go to be inspired. Karla is my children’s teacher, a good friend, and a person with a heart of gold. I hope that her words will inspire you to do more. We are only as good as the people we surround ourselves with. It is important to listen with your heart and proceed with your eyes open. Enjoy!

Once in a while I sit down with an idea in my head and writing my weekly post is quick and easy. However, most of the time I sit down in my makeshift office (my grandmother’s dining table) and stare out the window until inspiration hits me. Quite often I listen to music, country of course, and wait; sometimes it takes a while. Certain that I would be staring out the window for quite a while today; I decided to get a few chores out of the way before I planted myself in solitude. I grabbed my apron and headed to the kitchen to make a batch of egg noodle dough. The quiet of my house was deafening (oh how I miss my little kids under foot) so I flipped on the radio hoping to break the silence. And then it hit me with great force; very seldom does my inspiration tip toe in quietly.

As I watched the makings of my dough whirl around in my Kitchen Aid country music star Justin Moore began to sing “If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away”. This song is about all of the people in the singer’s life who have passed away and how much he misses them. “If heaven wasn’t so far away I’d pack up the kids and go for a day, introduce them to their grandpa watch them laugh at the way he talked…..” So there it was, my heart on my sleeve and tears in my eyes I realized that I had that same wish. I haven’t had a great deal of loss in my life (yet) but what I have had has affected me deeply. Wiping away my tears and rolling out the blob of yellow goo Kenny Chesney showed up on the playlist and began to sing about going back. “I go back to a preacher and a choir singin bout’ God brimstone and fire and the smell of Sunday chicken after church”. Okay, so by this point I have lost it and am thankful that my son is outside cleaning out his dad’s truck and my husband has taken my car to the carwash because I would have a difficult time explaining why I am crying this time. I have always been a “crier” but lately the tears roll a lot. Just a few weeks ago my daughter pretended to cry as I was leaving her at her dorm room and I bawled the whole way home. “Gosh mom not again!” I think that hitting middle age and all the old lady hormones setting in are going to give me and my family a very bumpy ride for a while. If I could go back just once in a while…but I can’t.

When my daughter went off to school last year I experienced a deep sense of grief unlike any I had ever experienced. What was I grieving for? She was only 20 minutes away and I could see her quite often. My grief was for what I thought I had lost. Gone was the little girl who adored me and everything I said and did. Lost was that sweet little round face with red curls bouncing around as she chased bubbles in the breeze and hung on every word her daddy and I said. What I needed to see through the tears and grief was this wonderful young woman who has tucked that little girl away and is taking on the world and making her mark her way in her own time.

My son entered high school this year and while I haven’t told anyone until now, I cried the first day of school. As I peered through my bedroom window and watched my big boy get on the bus and head for a new chapter in his life, I wondered where my little brown eyed curly headed boy went. He was gone before I knew it and in his place is this big kid who is nearly 3 inches taller than me with a deep voice and the makings of facial hair. And while he often thinks I am ridiculous, unfair and a sucky momma, he still kisses me on the cheek every morning before he leaves for school and thanks me for his dinner every night when he puts his dirty dishes in the sink. (If only I could get him to pick up his dirty clothes and make his bed.) In a few years he will walk out the door and head off to whatever future he decides and I am sure the grief will appear much like it did when his sister left.

So today as the music played and the tears flowed I remembered all of those precious memories not only from my past as a small child and my grandparents who have passed away but the memories of being a momma to my little children and how I wish that once in a while I could go back. Knowing that going back in time is not an option I hold onto the memories, enjoy the present and work toward a future.

What does the future hold? I have absolutely no idea and to be honest I am not sure I would want to know. Whether you are a parent of young children, teenagers, adults or preparing to be a parent in the future I encourage you to hold onto to the memories you make now knowing that time will march on and that one day down your life road you will turn on the radio hear a song and be blindsided by those same memories; and hopefully they will fill your heart with joy and your eyes with tears. Memories are meant to be made and stored away for later, much like writing down your thoughts in a journal or diary. Famed author Oscar Wilde once wrote “Memory… is the diary that we all carry about with us.” Live life; make memories allowing them to be stored in your heart so that when you need them they will be there to bring you comfort and joy much like these two pictures bring to me.


Check out all of Karla’s Korner articles here.

Also, please visit Karla’s Lifetime Moms page and read her articles.

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