“Sponsored post by Mirum. All opinions are my own.”
I asked him to do the laundry. He is 13. He is old enough to do the laundry. I thought that would be a great job for him. Boy, was I wrong!
I soon learned how to talk to teen boys.
You see that single bad decision caused several hours of explanation that I wasn’t prepared to have. The first embarrassing thing I had to deal with was my underwear selection. The questions started with why isn’t there a whole in yours? Why aren’t yours white? Mom, who is going to see all these? What happened to the back of that pair? “Mom, did you pay for that it is missing half of the under part?” If you have a teen boy, you will eventually have to explain Victoria’s secret.
How about the reveal of another secret. “Mom if everyone has to have one why do they come in different sizes?”
Yes, you will explain body parts and their functions. You will tell them how everything is used without making it sound enjoyable. You will stick to the facts. The facts are you will treat it like an explanation of how a car uses gas or how a blender is helpful when making a cake. You will hope they do not ask how many times you have used your female body parts with your husband’s male parts. You will stick with the standard answer that you have rehearsed and say well you can see we have three kids. You will go no further, and you will look them in the eye and quickly away.
“Mom, why did she hit me?”
The third topic you will have to talk about is bodily harm that isn’t meant to harm anyone. If you have a son like mine, you will have to help him recognize the signs. You know the “signs.” The signals. My son would have no idea unless she had a crush on him unless he had a neon sign above her head that said, “I like you.”
You fear that if you do not do this, he will never have any idea. You will explain the hair flip, giggle, notes, and small talk. You will then need to explain she is tapping his shoulder and waving to him not because she has to but it’s because she wants to talk to him. You will also explain that she didn’t ask for his number because they both have math but because she wants to talk to him. She has an A in math and math isn’t something you would call someone on the phone to talk about. You will have to help your son realize when someone likes him and how to actually express his feeling which needs to be more than one letter.
The fourth and most complicated topic is allowing your child to have a personal style and making sure they do not look homeless. You explain that stains are not battle scars. That holes are not character and that being able to see undergarments no longer makes them undergarments. You try to explain that when you can see their ankles, they need new pants. You will also explain that just because it fits doesn’t mean they should wear it. I also had to share that if it is meant as sleepwear, it isn’t going to school no matter how late you woke up or how “comfy” it is. The line everyone else is also doesn’t work when it comes to clothes held together with safety pins or duct tape.
The final and hardest conversation you need to have is when your child no longer smells human. If I can smell you before you arrive, we have a problem. I took my son to Kroger and let him pick out the newest scents of Axe products. I mean there are a lot of things we can help our kids with, and one of them is having the right products on hand and notes if necessary to use them. I mean no one wants their friends to exclaim “who smells” unless it is the girl he likes and she means it in a good way.
I know that helping my son navigate through life doesn’t always smell like roses, but I do know with products like Axe he can smell a whole lot better. I will even dare to say that Axe’s great scents make me forget that his jeans with the hole in them are okay and even cool.
The best news is you will laugh, you will cry, you will learn to love deeper than you thought possible. You will be reminded that nothing is off limits when it comes to your child’s ability to put you on the spot. You will know that every day is a gift because you are a mom of a boy.
If you to struggle with the teenage smell? You need not struggle anymore Axe offers several scents that will convert the teen that doesn’t care into one that is all about Axe scent profiles.
Grab this coupon before you head over to Kroger to Save $2.00 on any TWO (2) Axe products (excludes trial and travel sizes). Valid 4/30 – 5/27.