March 12, 2015

Can Sex Change Your Relationship?

The question that comes to mind is can sex change your relationship? The answer is absolutely. If I was a betting woman I would say that I think, after money, that sex is something couples fight over most. I would especially think this is true if one partner is receiving sex from someone other than their committed partner. This is my theory on sex; guys need a place and girls need a reason.

I told my husband a long time ago that sex starts long before you actually have sex. If he is interested in having a physical relationship then he needs to do all the things that turn me on. I do not mean physically. I mean emotionally, he needs to show me he loves me before I am interested in having sex with him. I have learned in the almost 18 years that we have been together that the same is true for him as well. He requires the same kind of attention to his needs prior to having sex. He also needs the clues to love and adoration. I would say that his needs are more physical to mine but he still wants to hear that I love him, I am proud of him, I value him, and that he is the person I enjoy spending time with.

The question is how much do you water the plant? How much sun do you give it? Do you just expect it to be beautiful without nurturing it? It got me thinking what if you did at the beginning and then you got used to the beautiful flower and you just neglected it? What do you do then? Is it possible to bring the withering flower back to its former glory. The answer is YES!

I know a lot of people that struggle with spouses that aren’t meeting their needs. I have at times had this issue, but luckily I was not afraid to communicate what I need, so our issues have been quickly resolved and don’t resemble a dried flower. This is what I suggest you do. Tune into the show Sex Box. I know you are most likely wondering how this will help. It is a great way to start the conversation. It is way to learn from others and the experts on the show will help you see issues and ways to resolve them. I will call it therapy without the expense or the office visit. I think the single most important job you have is to work on your relationship. They never put so and so was a good employee on their headstone or they had a fancy car, house, purse, etc.

So a little about Sex Box. It isn’t porn. You will not actually see couples having sex but you will see them after they have had sex. They will meet with a group of expert therapists Dr. Chris Donaghue, Sexologist and Clinical Psychotherapist; Dr. Fran Walfish, Relationship Psychotherapist and Dr. Yvonne Capehart, Pastor and Couples Counselor, with the hopes of addressing and resolving their concerns so they can have flourishing relationships. I was a little thrown back by the idea initially. Then I thought about it scientifically. In the first 15 minutes after intimacy, the body is flooded with oxytocin and endorphins enabling people to really open up and reveal the root of their problems. I know from experience that after I have sex with my husband we do have very deep and thoughtful conversations. It does seem to be the time when he opens up and I may or may not use this time to push some of my agenda.

This is my advice if you are currently not fulfilled or you are a student like me. I love to learn about how to make relationships better then watch this show for tips. I would make a nice dinner and grab a bottle of wine, or in my case a cupcake and milk. Then curl up on the couch and make the effort to work on your relationship in a non threatening way. I find that asking questions about what you see will help you make a deeper and more meaningful connection with the person you love the most. You can say, “Have you ever felt that?” or “Do you think this is important?”. You can use the show to become more knowledgeable about the person you are with. I will tell you with good authority that my husband isn’t doing things or purpose when I am mad it is usually that he doesn’t understand what my needs are or how to address them. This show is a great way for you to understand not only how people think or that causes it but to make the changes you need to make.

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Soul Mates by God: Let God Be Your Matchmaker

Now You’re Speaking My Language: Honest Communication and Deeper Intimacy for a Stronger Marriage

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RealAdviceGal

Cook, Baker, Phototaker, Fitness Mover and Shaker, Cupcake Tester, Deal Maker, Adventurous Undertaker, Do Good "Deeder", Teacher, Mom, Wife, Patriot for Life & Giver of Good Advice - RealAdviceGal

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