I am proud to introduce a new column to Madame Deals! I think we all need a touch point a place we can go to be inspired. Karla is my children’s teacher, a good friend, and a person with a heart of gold. I hope that her words will inspire you to do more. We are only as good as the people we surround ourselves with. It is important to listen with your heart and proceed with your eyes open. Enjoy!
Un-learning to Learn…
It’s Sunday afternoon and here I sit in front of the computer with a head full of thoughts not quite sure what to do with them. With one child already out of the house for the most part and one away with friends for the day I find myself thinking about my “nest” and the fact that it will be empty before too long. When my daughter left for college last fall I thought my heart would explode with grief. Just recently it has begun to sink in that my little boy is not so little anymore (he’s taller than me now) and will be entering high school in the fall. By the time he graduates from high school his sister will have graduated from college and will more than likely be onto her graduate studies and medical school. But where will I be?
For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a wife and a mother; just like my momma and her momma and beyond. Having a career was always secondary to the dreams I had to being the domestic queen of my domain. For the last 22 ½ years I have been the wife of a wonderful man who loves me in spite of myself and has given me two wonderful kids which fulfilled the other half of my dream when I became a momma. At the age of 44 I have been married half of my life, a momma almost as long and now in the very near future, my job title will change. My role in the family will change in a dramatic way and I am not sure how I am going to handle this. I am not so sure I know what to do. I feel like I am going to have to learn to live life again but in a different way. I will have to re-learn what it is like to having just my husband and me at home again.
I shared my thoughts with my pastor the other day about how our roles change as we grow older and how as the “times” change we (humans) have a difficult time changing our minds or thoughts about certain issues. We grow up being given a certain set of values to live by and then when we become parents ourselves, we tend to instill those same values on our own children. It is just the way life is. Up until now I thought I knew exactly how I felt on certain political and social issues and was pretty confident in whom I have become in my role as wife and mother. Realizing that as my children have become more independent and are figuring out things on their own, developing their own ideas in life, I conclude that I am nowhere close to understanding much of anything. Pastor Drew shared the idea with me that in order to learn new ideas or to grow our spirit we must un-learn what we have already learned? Huh? Digging deeper he shared that while our foundations are wonderful we sometimes tend to stay on the same paths we grew up on because that is all we know; it is comfortable for us. In order to learn or expand our hearts and minds it is necessary for us to learn and explore life to its fullest; often times embracing new ideas that were once unheard of. Therefore we must un-learn (not reject) some of the ideas of our past and open our hearts and minds to new ideas. For example, those of us who grew up in the 60’s and 70’s experienced certain social injustices towards various groups of people. Unfavorable social status was given to those of certain ethnic backgrounds or sexual orientation. As unfair and unjust as it may seem to have been life was pretty “cut and dry” on certain issues back then. Today, life is incredibly different. Race and sexual orientation is accepted more than ever before and while the younger generations have grown up accepting and embracing, the older generations struggle to change. It’s merely a matter of staying put on the path of life we were given and never taking a turn or detour.
Fearing the future without my children in my “nest” and knowing that they are becoming their own individual beings I am given two options; stay put or un-learn so that I may open myself to life in the here and now. Working on my spiritual self, embracing all that is around me will allow me to walk gently into old-er age where I will share life with my adult children on more level ground instead of sitting quietly and allowing old-er age to settle in and leave me all alone in my empty nest. My faith has always taught me to love and embrace all around me without judgment. Life has not always been teaching the same lesson and it is up to me to un-learn the old lesson and re-learn the new ones while staying true to my heart, my family and my Creator.
What old lessons do you have to un-learn? What new lessons do you have to learn? Search within yourself, find what is missing and begin a journey to find it….I am sure you will be glad you did.
Also, please visit Karla’s Lifetime Moms page and read her articles.