Tearing Down The Walls of Solitude…
Ever have one of those days where you want to crawl back into bed and pull the blankets over your head and avoid the outside world for a while? It’s a feeling that happens to me every once in a while and when it does I am not too sure what it is that makes me feel that way. Some might suggest that it’s just those middle aged hormones wreaking havoc on my emotions while others might think it’s just me searching for attention. Either way when it happens I feel as if my feet are stuck in cement and the thought of trying to heave myself out of bed brings me to tears. Thankfully this doesn’t happen too often rather just enough to make me think about what it is that triggers these moments of wanting to hide away; stay behind my walls of protection and be safe from life. I found myself stuck in the middle of one of those crawl back in the bed days this week; it was unpleasant and quite overwhelming. Unable to pinpoint the catapult behind the firestorm of emotions I struggled to contain throughout the day I focused on getting to the gym where I could push my physical self to move while my emotional self could think and process the thoughts and emotions that consumed all of me.
During my workout I began to think about how humans work to protect themselves from hurt and heart ache building walls around themselves to protect and preserve their hearts. When we are born we are completely at the mercy of others to take care of even our simplest needs. We rely on them to nurture and protect us from harm and provide a sense of safety and security in our ever changing world. As we begin to change and become more aware of emotions, feelings and our surroundings we begin to form opinions, judgments and ideas toward those elements in our lives that bring us great joy, sorrow, fear or hesitation. It’s in those moments where we identify with the unpleasant pieces of our life puzzle that we begin to build up walls of defense to keep the unpleasantness out and protect our hearts from pain or discomfort. Putting up walls can often create a false sense of security; if we are behind the wall we can’t get hurt. In reality building walls around ourselves can create isolation and emptiness which is an unhealthy unproductive way to live. In order to be complete, we must learn how to eliminate the negative while creating a positive environment for ourselves to live, work, play and thrive.
When our children were small we lived in a house with a fenced in back yard. Not only was there a fence there were huge trees lining the fence which cut off visibility and access to the neighbors around us. With houses on either side and behind us our access to neighbors was limited and while our yard was private I wonder what it would have been like to live in community with those around us. We lived in that house for nearly five years and not once did I meet the people who lived behind us; a missed opportunity I think. All too often we decide to create walls around our hearts for protection and instead of being safe we find that without the human connection our hearts tend to harden and cease to thrive. We become less aware of who we are because we are so focused on keeping the walls in tact; we stay guarded and alone.
One of the lessons I have recently learned on my life journey is that while boundaries are necessary walls are not. Boundaries I believe are more like chain link fences in the sense that the boundary is secure but the possibility for visibility and openness is still there. In order to live a life free of solitude we must be willing to knock down the walls we built and put up a fence that allows us to remain guarded while open to positive contact and communication.
Keeping the walls up around our hearts chokes the light of life out and causes our spirit to whither and fade. Are you living behind a wall that prevents you from experiencing the life intended for you or are you surrounded by boundaries that allow you to maintain control while enjoying friends, family and a life that promotes positive healthy living? If walls are present I encourage you to consider breaking through the solitude and work toward a life that is enriching and filled with substance. For me, I continue to work toward positive physical and emotional health creating boundaries that promote healthy relationships that not only nurtures my own soul but enables me to nurture those around me. Life is a one shot deal; embrace, enjoy it and engage in it positively. Break down the walls and build a fence.
Change is a powerful thing; it is an ever present element of life that when accepted will enhance and enrich our lives, however if we resist the change we can and will find ourselves wandering along our life path unable to cope or experience happiness, joy or contentment.
I am proud to introduce a new column to Madame Deals! I think we all need a touch point a place we can go to be inspired. Karla is my children’s teacher, a good friend, and a person with a heart of gold. I hope that her words will inspire you to do more. We are only as good as the people we surround ourselves with. It is important to listen with your heart and proceed with your eyes open. Enjoy!
Check out Karla’s 24 Day Advocare Challenge updates!