I watched a movie this week while on the treadmill that left a pretty big imprint on my heart. The movie, October Baby, showed up in my “recommended for Karla” list on Netflix. I find that watching movies while walking an hour every day makes the time pass quickly and makes the exercise more tolerable. Without spoiling it for those who want to watch it, this movie is about a young girl who finds herself in a situation filled with self-doubt, self-loathing and an uncertainty about her identity that leaves her searching for answers to many questions. In her search for answers Hannah ends up in conversation with a police officer who shares a few words of wisdom with her that left me with tear filled eyes in the middle of a gym full of people wondering I am sure what was going on; “to be human is to be beautiful flawed”. As I went throughout the next few days I replayed those words over and over; what was it that made such an impact on me? I shared the quote on Facebook and within a few minutes a dear friend sent me a link to a video by a poetry professor where he talks about being perfectly imperfect. Another friend posted about being imperfect and how he was okay with that. Once again I wondered what was it that had me so unsettled and searching for answers; at that point I wasn’t sure I knew what the question was.
Forty-three days ago I made the decision to get healthy. Little did I know that in those forty-three days I would not only begin to lose physical weight but emotional weight as well. It seemed that as the physical weight began to disappear the more aware I was becoming of my spiritual and emotional self. I began to realize that I had spent so much time focusing on hiding behind the weight, big hair and make-up that I had weighed myself down emotionally. I spent so much time trying to hide my flaws that I wound up lost and separated from what was really important. A few days ago my son came into my room where I was getting ready for work to tell me he was leaving for school. I had just finished doing my hair (which is no longer big and fluffy) and instead of his usual hurried “bye mom, see ya later” he stood there looking at me for a moment and then said “Mom, you look really nice. I am proud of you.” I hugged him trying not to let him see the tears fill my eyes told him to have a good day and sent him on his way. I sat down for a moment and soaked in the words of my son and what it all meant. As I sat alone with my thoughts I realized that at 15 my son has never known me to be anything other than overweight and unhealthy; imperfect. I shared his words with a friend and expressed how sad I was that all my son has known is an overweight momma. My friend quickly reminded me that the past can’t be changed and that none of us are perfect. Those words sunk deep within my soul as I went about my day filled with ten three year olds, runny noses, spilled juice boxes, goldfish crackers and little kid squabbles. I will never be perfect yet here I am filled with hope and a desire to be the best me I can be. What I am realizing is that the best me will always be flawed and that is okay.
A few months ago I wrote an article titled “Love Your Shadows” This article revolved around an short devotion I had read about the importance of loving ourselves; all of ourselves. The devotion stated:
“Each of us has characteristics we define as ‘good’ and those we define as ‘bad.’ The parts of ourselves that we continually reject want to be acknowledged and loved. Until we honor these aspects, they will continue to assert themselves. They will do whatever they can to get our attention. Take a few moments to open to the parts of yourself that you do not love. See each one honestly for what it is. Explore the wounds and the motives that gave rise to its condition. Love a wounded part of yourself and it will heal.“
Our shadows, our imperfections are part of us. Knowing that I will probably never be a size 10 or own a pair of skinny jeans has somehow become an okay idea for me. Becoming physically and emotionally healthy has taken over the idea of a perfect body. Living a life of thought and purpose has replaced my desire of projecting the perfect image. No longer do I find it necessary to try to fool those around me that I have it all together; because I don’t. I never will.
As Christmas morning arrives this week I will settle myself in my usual Christmas morning spot surrounded by my husband and two big kids opening gifts and taking pictures. This year, I will not hide away from the camera. I will allow my children to take pictures of me because tucked in between the imperfections that make up me is their momma; the momma who loves them beyond words and wants them to share the memories of the day which includes taking pictures for a time down the road when they need to recall a memory or remind their heart of our time together. Knowing that our time together as a family (just the four of us) is limited due to life changes I will cherish this Christmas a little more.
I am beautifully flawed!
I encourage you to be human; to be beautifully flawed. Embrace your time together with family and friends filling it with memories that will be cherished for years to come. Take pictures. Have your picture taken. Make memories. Be the beautiful you that you are…flaws and all.
We here at MadameDeals encourages you to be confident with your own skin, flaws and all.
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I am proud to introduce a new column to Madame Deals! I think we all need a touch point a place we can go to be inspired. Karla is my children’s teacher, a good friend, and a person with a heart of gold. I hope that her words will inspire you to do more. We are only as good as the people we surround ourselves with. It is important to listen with your heart and proceed with your eyes open. Enjoy!
Check out Karla’s 24 Day Advocare Challenge updates!