Facebook Killed My Friendship

Facebook Killed My Friendship

friendship

I know people say a something can’t ruin a friendship, it is people that do that. That may be true. I believe Facebook has become the third person in a relationship. It is the place that we share. Where we ask questions. The place that we post what we have done and are doing. It is the place that we talk about our interest, our beliefs, our theories. It is truly the place that we forget the whole world is watching.

I post all the time. I know my parents go to my page and check in on me. I post so people that I love get to be a part of my daily life. I have the opportunity to send my love and good vibes to people in my life past and present and I use Facebook as my vehicle. It is nice that you can congratulate them on their accomplishments and commiserate on their failures. You can send your best wishes and deepest sympathies. It is a refuge when you are sad or the friend you type on when you are happy. It is the virtual epitome of “shouting it from the roof tops.”

I believe Facebook is a conversation and earlier this week I saw an article posted on a friend’s wall. The article was about Attachment Parenting. I read the article and then I responded with my opinion. I have a very strong opinion on always being available to your child at the detriment of yourself. I think there is a healthy balance necessary in life. I am a work at home mom and have been for the last 10 years. I get up each morning. I take a shower and I get dressed to work out if I am going to the gym and if I am going right to work I put on jeans and a nice shirt. I do my hair and apply my lipstick. I make my children breakfast get their snacks organized and drive the kids that go to school to school and the child that stays behind comes to the gym and then to his class. When the children were home my routine was the same. I made sure my needs were met as well as their own. I had a clean house most of the time but did employ a cleaning person every other week. I had food on the table every night. I have my own businesses with team members, I am a landlord, and I am a wife which means I am still dating my husband. I am not just a mom. I love being a mom but it isn’t my only job. It is one that I am incredibly lucky to have and there isn’t a day that goes by that I am not grateful.

I am not the mom that could attend all the playgroups and frankly I hated them. I either liked the moms or I liked the kids. I often liked both but I didn’t like the behavior management techniques of the parents. I also found the playgroups were at nap times. I soon moved past all that and focused more on my work and what my children actually wanted to do. We soon replaced play group with 3 hours of preschool. That allowed my children to play and myself to work. Then we would have lunch together and they would go to nap. I would work some more, get dinner ready, clean up, and then wake up the young children and go gather the oldest.

I am not a perfect mom nor do I pretend to be one. I let my kids dress themselves and sometimes it looks like that happened in the dark. I do not spend hours doing what they want but I do spend time with them. We even have dates. We have teachable moments and luckily I was able to leave my work at home job and transition to just owning, writing, and operating my sites. That has allowed me to be able to take on projects that my children can participate in. You can see our whole series of recipes kids can make.  I work from home for many reasons the first admittedly is being just a mom wasn’t enough for me. I am happier when I work. I can’t tell you how many rolling eyes I have dealt with over the years because of that, but I believe in myself and I believe in order to be a good spouse, parent, and friend you need to be happy. I also work because I want to contribute financially to my family. I have learned how to run a thriving business and my husband says that I have a work ethic unlike anyone he has ever seen.

I am sure you are wondering why I have digressed. I responded to my friend’s comment about a mom who says it is okay that you haven’t gotten anything done all day because you spent all day holding your child. I personally do not think it is okay to get nothing done. In my case not getting dressed or showered or cleaning my house would have put me in a state of depression. I love my babies and I cuddle them every morning from whenever they wake up until 7:00 am but I can’t cuddle them all day. I can’t play with them all day. I can’t do everything they want whenever they want because the world doesn’t work that way. I can’t be their only stimulus. The person that creates their experiences. I needed to teach them how to become independent. I needed to teach them this is the box of toys you get to play with while I shower. It was my job to help my children not depend on me to fulfill every need they had.

I posted my opinion and then later on decided to see what my friend’s response was to my comment. I listed what I have done for the last nine almost ten years and found I was blocked or something where you can’t view their news feed. I was sad at first and then frankly I was ticked. Who are you to judge me? Who are you to decide my mothering style isn’t good enough? I decided that having someone in your life that doesn’t agree to disagree isn’t worth having them in your life.

I have over one thousand friends they are from all walks of life. They have different religions, colors, shapes, and educational backgrounds. I respect them for who they are. I adore engaging in a conversation and a good debate. What I do not desire to have is someone who unilaterally decided they were done without taking a moment to make a phone call. I have seen relationships end over political discussions  and opinions that weren’t asked for. In this case I made the decision to remove myself from a Facebook relationship and if this person wishes to make amends they make phones for that. People need to stop hiding behind their profile, if you are brave enough to post then be brave enough to back up what you post. You need to know that Facebook is a place of conversation, joy, and sometimes disappointment and sometimes it is the place that defines who you are.

Has Facebook killed a friendship of yours?

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Comments

  1. Michelle says

    While I understand your point..don’t you think you were judging the mom that got nothing done all day by saying it’s not ok? Was her child ill, were they going through a rough time? I don’t know the circumstances but maybe that is what she needed to do that day and it’s not our place to judge that either…having said that a true friend would make a phone call and let you know she was offended if she truly cared about the friendship… I agree Facebook can be damaging at times!!!

  2. Michelle says

    Oh well I misunderstood then…I thought it was a certain day and the friend was encouraging her…we all have days where we wish we accomplished more…to make the child the center of your world everyday is wrong and I completely agree with you there :). Sorry for the misunderstanding!

  3. Mo says

    Hmmm… This post really feels like a cry for attention. “Please tell me I am right and she was wrong so I can feel vindicated.” When we post on Facebook, 99% of the time, no one wants someone to post something negative back on their status. If I post a political thing (i.e. – I posted I was glad for Facebook allowing numerous genders on profile info), then I do not want someone who has the opposite political opinion to write something on there about how they are just offering a “healthy debate” and criticize my beliefs or opinions. I imagine your friend felt the same. She posted something and you criticized her beliefs and essentially told her that her parenting style was wrong (though you say she did the same to you by blocking you). I probably would have blocked you too if you got on my Facebook and were rude (even if you were just having a “friendly debate). She’s an adult and she can raise her own child without your cyber opinion.

  4. Ann says

    If she was truly a friend, you wouldn’t have “unfriended” her so quickly. You would have picked up the phone and tried to reconcile.
    The definition of a friend :
    n. noun
    A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
    A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
    A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

    Perhaps the word friend has become over used.

    Friendship is about loving someone in their weaknesses, not pointing them out – especially on social media.

  5. Jessica says

    Eek. Honestly, I would have probably blocked you as well. Sometimes people don’t want your opinion. Here is a good rule for facebook. I only offer my advice or opinion if the poster asks. You are mad she “judged” your parenting by blocking you, but she likely did so because she felt judged by you first. Seriously. Only chime in with your opinion if it is asked for.

  6. joy says

    If they blocked you they did you a favor. Some people are close minded just let them be. I honestly think all of it probably was a misunderstanding. Its so easy to misinterpret things written on facebook as the wrong intentions.

    That is absolutely why I deleted my facebook years ago. People kept taking comments or opinions wayyyy too personal.

    I agree with you kids need to be taught to be self sufficient not solely dependent on a parent. To make them anything but independent makes them handicapped in a big world.

  7. Rachel says

    One of the things I love about Facebook is it gives me a place to write. It helps me really delve into the rationale behind my own thoughts. It helps me clarify, perfect and solidify my positions. I find I’m an anomaly on social media when it comes to this endeavor. Most people just go there for gratification and reassurance about ‘who they are.’ A large portion of ‘open minded’ people do not like having a mirror put up to their beliefs. I for one, love being called out on aspects of a thing I may not have taken into consideration. But it takes a strong well grounded person, individuals who really know themselves, to not take that personally. Most view an opposing opinion as an attack and get defensive. It’s truly a troubling indication of a society when voicing an opinion is automatically considered rude. An old dystopian show featured a poster reminding guests to, “Stay silent, questions are a burden to others.” Because you didn’t get into the details of your comment I can’t be sure, but it’s easy to assume you were tactful. Tact is always advisable; but so long as you had a mind to keep any possible embarrassment to a minimum, silence is not something anyone should be required to adopt to maintain a relationship.

  8. Nicole says

    I think your friend was overly sensitive. I think most real friendships wouldn’t be harmed by a difference of opinion on Facebook. I have experienced the loss of an acquaintance on Facebook for similar reasons.

  9. says

    I disagree with almost every comment here. Why?

    You can make your posts so no one CAN comment. If you post it publicly you should expect a response. If you don’t want comments, you either disallow them or you DON”T POST it. If you do, especially if it’s controversial, expect responses you may not like.

    Have I lost “friends” on Facebook because I stated my opinion? Absolutely. Do I give one flying piece of monkey poop that the people blocked me or unfriended me? NO. Why? IF they were my TRUE friends they would know that MY OPINIONS are never stated unless I truly think there is a valid reason for stating them. I don’t say things to stir the pot, I say them with the honest intention of helping. If someone doesn’t know me well enough to know that, I don’t want them on my Facebook and quite frankly, they have no business being there.
    Jill recently posted..How to Replace a Ceiling Fan Light SwitchMy Profile

  10. says

    I feel like I’m missing something from the story. You posted a reply to your friend’s comment and her response was to block you? In return your response was to unfriend her? But now you want her to call you because you are offended. If she was a real friend she would call you. Am I understanding this correctly?

    If that’s the treatment you want from her shouldn’t you have called her first before unfriending her?
    Treat others as you want to be treated, right?

    You said you respect people for who they are and have accepted them. So I do not understand why you posted a comment to your friend’s decision to have a child attached to her hip all day in lieu of cleaning or taking a shower. It’s her perogative and her choice. Perhaps she posted looking for support because she was feeling guilty for not doing the chores and you just made her feel worse. It’s tough being at home with kids alone. Your situation is not 100% the same. Maybe your husband comes home at 5pm and he helps you while she does not get as much help and she’s stressed. Maybe she has come to the realization that the dirt will always be in her house but her child won’t remain young forever and has decided to spend quality time with her child instead. But yet still feels a tinge of guilt for not being super woman.

    I think if you want her to treat you with respect you should be willing to treat her with respect. The phone goes both ways. Facebook did not ruin your relationship. I think in this case you both contributed to this squabble. I suggest taking the high road and perhaps call her for a cup of coffee and a chat. You’ll either remain friends or realize that it’s better to just be acquaintances. Sometimes friendships end and that’s okay but talk to her before you just decide the friendship is over.
    Rhonda recently posted..Windex is My Insect KillerMy Profile

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