Ask A Married Friend: How did you find the perfect guy?

I want to say that there is not a perfect person out there. We all have our flaws. What you have to find is someone who makes you happy. I decided to write about this topic because a lot of my successful friends have not found their life partner. I have been married for almost ten years and although I am not an expert by any means on relationships, I feel that I am very good at surrounding myself with people who add value to my life. I look for people who enable me and have my best interests at heart. I am often puzzled by my friends who accept what I consider unacceptable behavior from the people they are dating. I spend hours on the phone daily imparting relationship advice. I thought it would be fun to do so in writing.

Ladies and Gentleman you are worth the best and you deserve the best! If you accept anything less then you are wasting  time and energy.

My Theory:

“Landing” a good spouse is like “landing” a good job

I must say dating has changed since I embarked on my quest to interview as many guys as possible. Yes, interview.  Are they the right person for the job? I say job because being in a relationship is a job. It has unreasonable hours and unreasonable expectations but the compensation is rewarding if you employ the right person. I believe the more you interview, the more you learn about yourself. Think about it this way, interviewing is free and divorce is expensive. I know you have been to a wedding and heard Faith Hill’s song in your head

Dearly Beloved lyrics

Good morning, dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
To watch two people we know make a big mistake
They’ll stand up at the alter
And solemnly swear i do
They’ll be together forever
’til they find somebody new

Her daddy’s in the front row
Muttering oh no here we go again
They had a couple dates
Now she’s three months late
And it’s twenty buck a plate i spent, oh:

Good morning, dearly beloved
I’d like to welcome ya’ll
To see the side-effects of sex and alcohol
Please bow your heads and join me
In a prayer for these two
Who’ll be together forever
’til they find somebody new

The bride is a flirt and the groom is worse
As he’s putting the ring on her
He’s checking out the bridesmaids
Thinking that he might take
The maid of honor’s honor, oh:

Welcome, dearly beloved
We are here this afternoon
To throw rice as these two
Drive down the road to ruin
With cans tied to the bumper
And a dragging muffler too
They’ll be together forever
Until they find somebody new

So raise your glass and join me
Here’s to the bride and groom
They’ll be together forever
’til they find somebody new

So how do you find candidates to Interview? The first step in  modern day dating is to enlist your friends. Do they know anyone? You have to go after a good spouse like you would seek a good job. Look presentable and know what you want. I believe you have to talk to everyone. I tell my friends to go to every social event they get invited to. You never know who you will meet! Network. I asked my friend to write a list of qualities that she was looking for and a list filled with things that she would not put up with. Then I sent her out to interview. She wanted to try the bars. I wanted her to try online. Her way won at first, now we are trying my way. I figured it is free to date online and you can interview several potential candidates at once. The typical interview lasts about 30 minutes and then they decide if you have the job. I think you can figure out in less than 30 minutes if a person is someone that you would like to continue interviewing.

I also made it clear that dates should resemble a work interview. In plain English that means no funny business. This needs to be a time that is not compromised by physically intimate activities. Think about what you want and what you need. The expectations you have need to be met by this person or move on. It will take a lot of job interviews before you find a career. You are worth the best and settling for anything less is unacceptable.

My rule was simple, “adore me or be gone.” I am sure my girlfriends are laughing and the guys who didn’t make the cut have a smirk. I can’t say our relationship is perfect nor is our marriage. But I can say that my husband does his best to adore me and I adore him. Get out your resume and go after what you want!

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  1. says

    You put this together really well. I especially agree with what you are saying about becoming intimate too soon. I have seen so many friends get stuck in relationships that they probably would not have been if they had not started messing around and got their hearts involved in it ( I don’t know, something about us gals thinking we have to love someone if we are sleeping with them?) Anyway, thanks for writing this, I am going to make sure that a few of my girlfriends read it!

  2. madamedeals says

    Thanks Leah,
    I think women accept behavior that is not okay. The person you are with should respect you at all times. I have a modern day rule if you want to talk to me call! Do not text!

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